Jetters Abridged - Episode 5 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script *Dream sequence* *Shot 1 - drawn Shiro standing sad on a stoop holding a horribly drawn Missing poster of Mighty. Include two or three fadeable images of someone’s legs walking by.* Shiro: Excuse me. I’m looking for someone. *Shot 2 – Closeup of Shiro looking up at a stupid looking alien sadly* Shiro: Sir, have you seen this man? *Alien points behind Shiro* Alien: Yes, he’s over there. *Shot 3 – Blobby is across the street* Blobby: Heghloooogh Shiro: Blobby! Have you seen my brother? Blobby: Ugh uuuugh Shiro: Oh... *Panel 4 – It starts raining cobras, Shiro looks shocked and terrified, Napalm Death “Errors in the Signal” plays* Shiro: OH NO!! COBRAS!! *Shiro wakes up on his head* Shiro: …LICK THE FROG, YOU SAID. Shout: *In the other room, angry* WHY ARE THEY IN THE DISHWASHER!? Shiro: A MEANS TO AN END! *Bulge Bomb, Windows Pipe screensaver covers screen* Mujoe: I got a virus!!! *Title screen* *Fades in to Hige Hige Base* Bagular: You fools! You foolish fools! Fooling around foolheartedly! I give you endless resources to find the rarest treasures of the universe, and you give me ostriches and tops?! Mechadoc: We brought you an autographed Kenny G album. Bagular: Even if it’s rare, it’s shit! Those Jetters keep getting in our way with their youthful energy and wacky circumstances. And you just keep falling over your big, pink, bulging- Mujoe: Okay, it’s my cock! It’s not going anywhere! Mechadoc: Please, Master Bagular, just one more chance. We won’t disappoint you this time. Bagular: Oh, I made sure of that. *Increasingly drunk* I’ve hired a new and capable thief to the Bandits. A cool, robo space thief. Whose cold steel body holds a… ffffffffiereh rage. Mujoe: Uh, sir, you’ve probably had enough- *Pops in Kenny G* Bagular: You know iss not so bad when you get used to it! *Cut to Mujoe and Mechadoc in the bar* Mujoe: Man what a ballbuster. Mechadoc: Have you ever thought about just being the strong, silent type? Mujoe: Father taught me to speak my mind- oh daddy! Mechadoc: Mujoe, your father will never respect you until you get those Jetters out of the way. And you can’t do that if you never plan ahead. Mujoe: Well it's just how I am! I push everything in at the last second, and sure it can be tight, and it certainly can be hairy, but- Mechadoc: STOP. Mujoe: I know! It’s just everywhere I go I get those little fucks on my tail. Mechadoc: Then isn’t it obvious? You need to turn the tables on them completely. Mujoe: Hmm. Well they are kids tables. Probably low to the ground anyway- Mechadoc: Oh fucking- Just go find a treasure, I’ll come up with the idea, daddy will love you and I’ll get promoted- Deal?! Mujoe: *Squee* Then he’ll take me to the Father-Son dance? Mechadoc: You’ll be the belle of the ball! Mujoe: Dude, stop talking about my cock. Mechadoc: AAAAAAAGH!- *Cut to Shiro watching cat video, Tiny Tim playing* Shiro: *Maniacal laughter* My brother’s dead! AHAHAHA! My life sucks too! AHAHAHAHA! Cat with a vacuum. Shout: *In the other room* Shiro! Deal with your depression outside! Shiro: *Winding down* Aaahh. Ahhh… *Video disappears, Shiro lies back on his bed, music gets murky as Shiro has a flashback to Mighty* Shiro: *Crying* Mighty: Shiro. Shiro. Hey Stupid, over here. Shiro: *Sniff* Huh…? Mighty: Shiro, it’s time I showed you the Thunder Bomb. By which I mean, I’m going to throw lightning at your face. Shiro: You said we were gonna get ice cream! Mighty: *Chuckling* I didn’t bring my wallet. *Cut to Shout listening in from outside, Tiny Tim is still playing but muffled* Shiro: *In his sleep* Mighty no! No! My face is on fire! Louie: *Choking* Ru-…Ru-… Shout: *Through the door* This might be a bad time, but I want my CD back. *Cut to Shiro by a stream* Shiro: *To himself* Damn Mighty. I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you! And especially I’ll show you! Louie: Ru? Shiro: I don’t know who “Ru” is, but he’s next! Stand back, Louie! I don’t want to hurt myself when I throw this at you! Thunder bomb! *Pops up* Bomber-! * *Cut to Planet Bomber, pop is heard, Shiro and Louie are staring at each other* Shiro: Well it burnt, but it wasn’t lightning. Louie: Ru! Shiro: Don’t bring him up! *Door slides open, camera shifts to Grandma Bomber standing in doorway* Shiro: …Can the best grandson ever have a- *Door slams shut. Silence for a few seconds. Door opens again, a bag of hot cocoa mix hits him in the face* Grandma: Eat up. Shiro: *Quickly* Thank you. *Cut to Shiro and Grandma sitting down* Grandma: Kid, you need to give this up. Your brother was the best. Shiro: At being an asshole. Grandma: At least he was the best at something. You still only have one Bomber Star, don’t you? Shiro: Mighty had one Bomber Star! Grandma: Birdy ate all the others. Shiro: *Crying* God I hate my job…! Grandma: …What, you’re still with the Jetters? Shiro: Yeah. Grandma: Then what are you doing back here? Shiro: I tried learning the Thunder Bomb. *Thunderclap in the distance* Random bomber: Hey look at what I did on accident! Louie: Ru-hooo! Shiro: Oh motherfucker… Grandma: Uh-huh. Well…if you hate it so much, why haven’t you left? Shiro: *Quietly* …I have to be better than him… I just have to… *Pause* Grandma: Well you have no talent, so you can’t. Shiro: AAAAGH THUNDER BOMB! *Cut to Shiro on the ground dazed, has a mustache* Shiro: Wow, these powers are unpredictable. *Cut to Shout looking at him on a bridge, loud thunderclap, “Errors in the Signal” starts playing again in the distance* Shiro: OH NO MORE COBRAS! AAAAAAAAAGH! *Shout stares, says nothing, drives away* *Cut to the Jetters base, loud chewing is heard* Ein: Attention Jetters! It's Emergency Code: Loudly Chewing Spaghetti! Alarm: *Smack, smack, smack. Mouth full, blasé* I'm alarmed. Sheriff: Hello! Jetters! Ein: Yes! What can we do for you, paarrrdnerrr? Sheriff: Sir, what are you insinuating? Ein: Er, well I… Sheriff: I didn’t pick the aesthetics here, pal. I find that very judgmental. Ein: I mean, you’re a cowboy egg, and- Bongo and Gangu: FOCUS! Ein: Oh fine! What is it you need help with? Sheriff: The Hige Hige Bandits are after my Sheriff’s badge! And possibly my six shooters. Oh shut up and help me. *Cut to Cosmo Jetter launches* Gangu and Bongo: *Harmonizing* Jetters awaaaaaay! *Cut to Sheriff’s office* Sheriff: You know, people can be terribly insensitive. Mujoe: Yeah there are evil people out there. By the way I’m robbing you. Sheriff: Maaan! That’s not cool. Mujoe: Dude, when they get here, you better say you put up a fight with, like, guns or something. You’re makin’ me look lame! Sheriff: You have the badge. Can’t you just leave? Mujoe: Ohhhh nooo. This is only part A of my Alphabet Plan. You’d better B prepared. C? …Doc, this better work. *Cut to Hige Hige Bandits’ base* Mechadoc: *Laughing hysterically, cuts away in the middle of the long one* *Cuts back* Mujoe: Y’all better prepare yourselves, Jetters, ‘cause I will finally D-stroy you! *Maniacal laughter* E! A mouse! What the F? *Cut to Jetters driving in the Land Jetter, distant shot sometimes gets repeated* Shiro: Hey Shout! Shout: No. Shiro: Really? I have a real question this time. Shout: *Sigh* What. Shiro: Did you ever see Mighty throw a Thunder Bomb? I’m trying to learn it and- Shout: Wait, “Mighty?” Is that why you’re being so mopey? *Understanding, but firm* Look. You will never be better than your brother if you just try to copy him. His name is Mighty. He perfected his moves while covering one of his eyes. Shiro: I just figure if I can do what he did, I can get better than him from there. Shout: It’s gonna take a lot more than that, especially when you only have one- Birdy why are you driving in a circle?! Birdy: You never told me where we’re going. You can only blame yourself. *Cut to everyone standing in front of the Sheriff’s office* Shout: This should be the place. *Deadpan, slightly annoyed* Anyone else notice how stupid we look? Shiro: Can you believe this pole?! Sheriff: Thank god you’re here! Shout:*Thick southern drawl* Well HOWDY YAAAAALL. Sheriff: You know what- fuck you, it’s a trap! Mujoe: Ya damn right, G! Shout: Mujoe! *Higes appear* Shiro: Speaking of looking stupid. Birdy: Speaking of poles. Mujoe: SHUT UP! Shout: *Calling out* You’ve got the badge already. What do you want with us?! Mujoe: Oh, this ain’t the badge! It’s the only gold star I ever got in kindergarten. I brought it along to remind me of my success: SINGULAR! Shiro: I’m a one-star Bomber. I feel ya. Mujoe: NOTED AND APPRECIATED! It was the last time my father was ever proud of me. And that was the year he thought my name was Danny! But I will make him proud again! I challenge you to a duel, little man! Mono-y-mono! Shout: Shiro, don’t let him egg you into a duel! Sheriff: Look, just stick to the cowboy crap! Shout: …Shiro? *Shiro has a brief flashback of Mighty* Mighty: *Calm and fatherly* Remember, Shiro. If you ever get challenged to a duel, you’re going to lose ‘cause you suck. *Cheerful* I’m gonna go die now! Shiro: Mighty, you’re a drunk fuck. Mighty: But I’m your drunk fuck! *Starts fading out* Your drunk fuck! Your drunk fuck! Your drunk fuck… *Fades in to Mujoe* Mujoe: …Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck- anyway, are we gonna duel? Shiro: I accept. *Cut to the two facing off, Mujoe sitting in the robot ostrich* Mujoe: We take 5 steps, then turn and fire. You with your bomb, me with my laser. Shiro: And the fact that I’m already a Bomberman doesn’t mean anything to you? Mujoe: HAAAaaa. HAAAAaaa. HAAAAAAAA- Shiro: ALRIGHT! Fine! Let’s play your stupid game for stupid people. *They turn, ominous music plays* Shiro and Mujoe: One! …Two! …Three- Mujoe: *Whips ostrich around* HA! I lied- whoa, too fast! *Hits ground, laser fires into building* *Suspenseful reveal* Housing Bomber: *Lame singing* I’m a bomb… Doo-doo-doooo-doo- …House. Shiro: I hope you die. *Max flies by and grabs the badge* Birdy: It’s a missile! DUCK! No wait, it’s still a missile. Shout: It’s a person! Mujoe: Huh?! Shiro: *Worried gasp* *Max lands on building, theme plays, turns around* Max: I have the biggest star of them all. Now you have something to aspire to. Mujoe: Damnit, not another one! Sheriff: That’s the real sheriff’s badge. The one I gave you was fake. Mujoe: You what?! We went to college, you hole! Shiro: He’s… Housing Bomber: *Walking up* You look like Migh-tee. All my furniture just fell out. Max: I hope you die. *Cut to an outside-of-town shot, explosion* Mujoe: Heych! I mean, hey! Who the hell are you?! Max: I am Max. I’m the new member of the Hige Hige Bandits. Everyone likes me because I’m better than them. That was arrogant; I apologize. Shiro: He’s just SO…! MAX! …I LIKE YOU! PLEASE GIVE BACK THE BADGE! Max: You’re very polite, and clearly disturbed, but it’s mine now. HYPEEEER…! Birdy: *”Yelling”* He’s on fire, aaaaaaaaagh! Max: …Thunder bomb! Shiro: *Shocked gasp* Brother…! *Gets shocked* AAAAAAAAAAGH! Shout: *Very concerned* Shiro! Max: Let this be a warning to all of the Jetters. I cannot be stopped. This universe is mine for the taking, and if this child would like to dispute that...I'll be waiting, Shiro...And stealing rare crap. Shiro: *Panicking, blood red image of Mighty appears in his sight* That was… it… but…he’s…he can’t be…un- AHAAAGH- *Birdy lands in the middle of nowhere* Birdy: *Deadpan* Why did I do that…? Where am I? *Credits – “Ghost Town” by Jebby* *Post-Credits 1* *Birdy looking angry at the Sheriff, silence, cuts away after a few seconds* *Post-Credits 2* Mujoe: I don't know about this other guy! He seems a tad jaded! How can anyone find this okay?! Mechadoc: Mujoe, I was joking. You’re actually starting to freak me out. Mujoe: I mean, he’s got that LMN-O surprise down. I gotta P. That’s my Q to leave. What R you looking at? Mechadoc: AAAAAAA- *video ends* Category:Episode Scripts